Why do I do this to myself?

I failed today. Big time...
It was the first day of my fast and I totally ate a lot. Seriously I could shoot myself right now. So to end my pathetic day, I looked up my ex and visited his wedding webpage. 2 days to go until he's stuck with that bitch for good. I feel like puking.
So to remedy? Laxatives, music (mostly Kesha), red wine, and a major sleeping pill od. That will at least get me through tonight... Tomorrow? I'll probably sleep most the day, blog and tweet, obsessive workouts once I get up...
I feel the need to be slutty right now. Lol. My booty call man is out of town though. Damn it.
Fasting again tomorrow.
THIS TIME I WILL MAKE IT!!!